Day 30, Thursday: React to this term: Letting Go
Day 31, Friday: A vivid memory
If I let i-Tunes play the entire collection of music, I'd have so many memories flooding over me. For now:
-Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve. This song has been present at major milestones in my life. I walked down the aisle to this song, it was the last song I heard before I graduated college, etc.
-No Diggity by Blackstreet. I first heard this song on a cassette tape. I found the single in a parking lot and was nine years old. I played it endlessly and loved the beat.
-Wannabe by The Spice Girls. One of my first loves. The Spice Girls was part of my feminist awakening. Yes, feminists world over just shuddered with that disturbance in the force.
-Possession by Sarah McLachlan. Yes, this song is about a stalker. However, it is a beautiful song. I listened to a lot while I was in Prague and the melody became embedded in my steps around the city.
-Hands Held High by Linkin Park. I put this song and the entire Minutes to Midnight cd on my iPod before I left for Prague. I listened to this song on repeat for two hours after I visited Terezen, on the outskirts of Prague. It was a concentration camp and one of the most surreal and horrifying experiences of my life.
I don't let go. That's the problem (hey therapy!). Letting go means not really, maybe, this might come back because that apology wasn't enough, those tears weren't enough. I didn't get to let go of anything growing up. That legacy haunts me to this day. When I finally do let go, it may crop up again, but sometimes, the memories, the pain, they stay down for mostly good.
I have so many. Each are quilt blocks inside of me. Feeling people's eyes as I held husband's hand at the altar, being so very aware of my body humming with every single emotion possible. Standing up to my father for the first time. Breakthroughs in therapy. So many good and bad things, but they make me who I am. With the sour comes the sweet.