Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Parents, Family, Children


I really feel for Adele in this instance. The utter lack of compassion and overt entitlement is disgusting from one of the few people who is supposed to love her unconditionally. I've seen parents who believe that just because they gave you life, that they own you. I'm reminded of the quote from My Big Fat Greek Wedding (yes, I love that movie) "I gave you life so that you could live it." Normal, sane parents do that. They bring children into the world because they have so much love to give and they want to share it with as many people as possible.

One of my dear friends sent me this link when it was first published and I kept pausing while reading it, to leave my work cubicle and cry in the bathroom. My father is nearly identical to Sugar's. I've written before about the abuse and all of the bitter ugliness that came after. It still comes, every now and then. A horrible, completely inappropriate email or a comment that makes its way through the family grapevine. But his pain barely touches me anymore.

It hurts to think that because of his anger, he will never know how wonderful my life is. He will never know any children of mine. I started watching the tv show, Castle, and watching the father daughter interactions on the show breaks my heart sometimes. I wish sometimes for that closeness, absolutely knowing that you can depend on someone.The pain of not having a father doesn't hurt nearly as much as it used to. Like anxiety, it comes and goes. I acknowledge the pain and then let it go.

Friends of mine having started having children and I see how they interact. Love and kindness spill out and over them. I look forward to that, with my own eventual children.

Adele seems to have plenty of good things in her life, but I wish her even more in light of sharing callous fathers.

And the dearest part of the letter?

It is on that feeling that I have survived. And it will be your salvation too, my dear. When you reach the place that you recognize entirely that you will thrive not in spite of your losses and sorrows, but because of them. That you would not have chosen the things that happened in your life, but you are grateful for them. That you have the two empty bowls eternally in your hands, but you also have the capacity to fill them.

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