AtlasWonders: anxiety

I hope you get to spend time with the people you love over the coming days.

Horrifying (TW)

Yup, pretty much White privilege is a hell of a drug.

I was sad to miss this, but the pictures are incredible & More from #MillionsMarch & More & More & Timelapse from NYC

Pretty fall picture

Amazing

Indeed, publicity surrounding Ali’s case is said to have inspired efforts to annul other child marriages, including that of an 8 year old Saudi girl who was allowed to divorce a middle-aged man in 2009.

Fucking heartbreaking

Because cats & Because cats are assholes

What the hell That poor woman

After police shot and killed 22-year-old John Crawford in August for picking up a legal BB gun in a Walmart store in Beavercreek, Ohio, police detective Rodney Curd interrogated Crawford’s girlfriend Tasha Thomas for 90 minutes, suggesting she may have helped him take a gun into the store, even though Crawford had no gun. Detective Curd didn’t tell Thomas that her boyfriend Crawford was dead until the end of the interrogation, the Guardian reported. A grand jury decided in September not to indict the officers who killed Crawford.

Absolutely cannot stop laughing

#BlackLivesMatter Means We Must Talk About Sexual Violence Too

Black women have always been at the forefront of social movements and shown loyalty to Black men throughout all our struggles—risking arrest, physical assault, and the emotional and psychological stress that often accompanies being engaged in social movements. However, we may be building movements to prevent further state-sanctioned murders of Black men, but we are not discussing the factors that led to Oklahoma police officer Daniel Holtzclaw allegedly assaulting several Blackwomen while on duty. We have not marched through the streets for Rekia Boyd, Aisha Stanley-Jones, Renisha McBride, and Islan Nettles the way we have for Trayvon Martin, Sean Bell, Oscar Grant, Mike Brown, Eric Garner, and other Black men and boys who have met the same fate.

Buffalo police officer Cariol Horne stopped another officer from choking a handcuffed man. She was then punched and fired.

Heartwarming news

THE HELL?

One of the leading witnesses identity, also infamously known as Witness #40, whos story was used in the Mike Brown case, has just been uncovered only to reveal a woman named Sandy McElroy. problem? SHE WAS NEVER THERE.

Truer words and all

Tamir Rice

God Bless Jon Stewart He has his faults, to be sure, but when he gets it, he gets it.

YUP

Mall of America got shut down Incredible

Beautiful pictures The last three are my favorite

YES. My heart goes out to the officers' families, but yet again.....

Well, damn Out of the mouths of babes

Fucking A Anxiety disorders SUCK

Oh, cats

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Sunday Snippets: I'm a Godmomma!

My new goddaughter, Zora, came into the world Thursday night after almost 22 hours of labor. It was an honor to be in the room. And today is also my brothers' 21st birthdays. I remember when they were born too!

I love seeing cats be badasses I would try this with Midnight, but we'd get maybe five feet per day because she would have to stop and sniff every single blade of grass.

Go. Read. NOW

The lives of black Americans are better than they were half a century ago. The humiliation of Whites Only signs are gone. Rates of black poverty have decreased. Black teen-pregnancy rates are at record lows—and the gap between black and white teen-pregnancy rates has shrunk significantly. But such progress rests on a shaky foundation, and fault lines are everywhere. The income gap between black and white households is roughly the same today as it was in 1970. Patrick Sharkey, a sociologist at New York University, studied children born from 1955 through 1970 and found that 4 percent of whites and 62 percent of blacks across America had been raised in poor neighborhoods. A generation later, the same study showed, virtually nothing had changed. And whereas whites born into affluent neighborhoods tended to remain in affluent neighborhoods, blacks tended to fall out of them.

Remember the names that matter & more on that awful CA shooting

Let's fund the shit out of this

(credit: http://jessehimself.tumblr.com/post/86976462558)

Can't wait to buy this issue Go out and get your copy

American Girl was my jam back in the day Makes me happy to see this

Right in the feels

Love this idea

The whole point of all of this is to take care of stuff that needs taking care of so that you feel like your day has beem productive and you feel genuinely tired and happy at the end of the day.

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Sunday Snippets: Four Seasons?

I remember when Maryland had four seasons. Just not all in one week.

Beautiful example of humanity's goodness

I look forward to seeing my husband like this I know he's going to make a great dad.

And speaking of children....

“I don’t want to have to live like my parents did.” When I express my fears about having children, people often tell me that we can just “make it work,” but the truth is, I don’t want to just make it work. Like a lot of women I know, I want a substantial income before I take that plunge. I don’t think that’s unreasonable.

Hilarious Mother's Day cards

Who's chopping onions?

Man, I love words

Cats are awesome

HELL YES

If the item doesn't make you excited to get out of bed and wear it, why the hell are you buying it?

Yes. To all. (Slight TW)

Again, not surprised. But what the fuck?

A man drinking canned iced tea in a parking lot was accosted by a plainclothes beverage cop who demanded to inspect his drink. He was placed in handcuffs and arrested. Even though the man was innocent and was only drinking tea, prosecutors are still trying to set him up with probation and community service.

Hey-o, anxiety!

Monday, March 3, 2014

Sunday Snippets: Posted on Monday Edition

All the things happened this weekend, including prepping for yet another snowstorm! I think Mother Nature is just trying to shake us all off like fleas.

How friggin adorable is this dog?

*grabby hands* Want! Those photos are intense.

Because cats win at everything

All the truth

Just today it decided to snow. Naturally this led to poor visibility. While dodging folks doing 30 with flashers on and idiots doing 75 in all lanes, I noticed one very distinct thing. Nobody bothered to have lights on in these conditions. Flashers? Sure. Go wild! But the set of headlights that come as a no cost option?

Beautiful reminder & Oof, anxiety

Give yourself the gift of a new start. Forgive yourself, let go of the past, and with confidence move on with your life.

The look of betrayal & With Further Death Glares

Love this photo

Beautiful obit

Mrs. Herz-Sommer, who died in London on Sunday at 110, and who was widely described as the oldest known Holocaust survivor, had been a distinguished pianist in Europe before the war. But it was only after the Nazi occupation of her homeland, Czechoslovakia, in 1939 that she began a deep study of Chopin’s Études, the set of 27 solo pieces that are some of the most technically demanding and emotionally impassioned works in the piano repertory.

brb, dying of all things cute Especially puppies

*drool*

LOL. I love it. I get so sick of seeing trite couple photos, so this is hysterical, if not heterocentric.

Holy shit, I need to do this.

I just see rage whenever I read about this.

“It’s unimaginable that a woman acting in self-defense, who injured no one, can be given what amounts to a life sentence,” said Free Marissa Now spokeswoman Helen Gilbert. “This must send chills down the spine of every woman and everyone who cares about women and every woman in an abusive relationship.”

Can. Not. Wait. For. This

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Sunday Snippets: Cold Edition

The up and down weather has succeeded in giving me a cold. I'm making a bubble to live in.

Jesse Williams is now a favorite Not quite sure how he keeps calm with the rage inducing questions the interviewer was asking...

Jordan Davis

THE “LOUD MUSIC” COMING FROM THE CAR WHERE JORDAN DAVIS SAT WAS NO DIFFERENT THAN THE “LOUD MUSIC” THAT CAME FROM THE OUTLAWED DRUMS OF OUR ANCESTORS. THE FEAR ISN’T NEW. IT’S HISTORICAL. WHEN WE WERE ENSLAVED AND UNDER VIOLENT SUPPRESSION, AFRICAN AMERICANS HAD NO CHOICE BUT COMPLY, TO USE A STICK INSTEAD OF A DRUM, TO MAKE SURE OUR FEET DIDN’T LEAVE THE FLOOR SO WE WOULDN’T BE PUNISHED FOR DANCING.

Oof, this poem

This is horrible. (TW)

Michael A. Geldrich, 36, and Michael J. Watson, 39, are both being held in the Warren County Jail for the December 1 beating death of the young Payne. Miami Valley Hospital workers discovered that Payne had been sexually assaulted during the attack. Hospital personnel contacted Middletown police and stated the teen had been sexually assaulted, according to the police report. But thus far, no rape charges have been brought, and hate crime charges have been dismissed point blank by Franklin Police Chief Russ Whitman, who said there is “no evidence” that there was a racial motive to the rape and murder of this 16-year-old African American.

Love this photo project

Life Once Removed is a whimsical yet thought-provoking portrait series by photographer and self-described spinster Suzanne Heintz that explores the societal expectancy of women to get married and start a family. The photographer places herself in front of the camera with a set of mannequins, posing as though they're a nuclear, all-American family from a postcard or perhaps a 1950s sitcom.

What. The Fuck.

Throughout the late 19th century, and well into the 1950′s, Africans and in some cases Native Americans, were kept as exhibits in zoos. Far from a relic from an unenlightened past, remnants of such exhibits have continued in Europe as late as the 2000′s.

Kick ass teens!

What. The. Fuck: Part 2 (TW)

Charda Gregory abducted, humiliated, violated, restrained, scalped and tortured.
If this were reversed, with black police officers who were sworn to uphold peace and justice but instead were documented victimizing a white woman (who was already a victim), this news would have trumped the Olympics!
Fucking truth I'm furious every time Beiber is mentioned as some poor young kid.

More reason to love Orlando Jones

The prison system is a thousand words for disgusting and abhorrent.

Awesome new project

D'aww, kitty paws!

Pretty much. Pawing through used bookstores is one of my favorite things to do. More book love

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Sunday Snippets: Extra Hour of Sleep Edition

I still think the whole fall back/spring forward is a goofy idea, but I'll take that extra hour this weekend.

How cute is this tiny house? I love the idea of using less resources and still getting something stinking cute like that house. Our house is just under 1500 sq feet and I feel like we could go even smaller in our next house.

*dying of laughter* So much truth.

file under things I need

Holy crap, these photos

Sometimes the internet does blow my mind in a good way But it's still a shitty thing to realize

More truth from Lindy West Can also file under Duh, no shit and Of-fucking-course women work, you ass goblins.

Because cats Who doesn't love gifs of cats?

Disgustingly sad that we even *need* this graph.... (slight TW)

YES and more yes See also God bless George Carlin

LOL So true. I love the campyness that is Sleepy Hollow.

MORE YES Instead of this bullshit about buck up, you don't look sick, what do you mean you have anxiety, depression, bipolar, etc? See also, Anxiety

Beautiful essay

All these years later, and he still thinks I can do just about anything. He’s proud of me – he has a queer feminist activist for a daughter, and he’ll talk about it to anyone who will listen. Twenty-one years, my coming out to him as a lesbian, my outspoken activism, my writing and my protesting, and I am still his sweet baby girl. He reminds me often how much he looks forward to walking me down the aisle at my wedding, whenever that will be.

Stand Your Ground MY ASS She was fighting for her life against an abusive partner and how she has been treated is deplorable.

*rolls eyes* Where is my vial of man tears?

Can't wait to see this

No lies

Beautifully true

YES, the conversation we need to have!

These are all deliberate acts with predictable consequences. There is nothing “random” about how we have armed ourselves, and there is nothing “random” about the filigree of high-flown rhetoric with which we justify arming ourselves, and there is nothing “random” about how we learn nothing every time someone who could be anyone decides to exercise his Second Amendment rights by opening fire.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Five years

This got me thinking....

So really, when I think about it, nothing has changed. And nothing will change. All of my life I have dreamt of being happy, and I am. The greatest part is that my life is (hopefully) far from over, so I get to continue on this path to happiness. The exciting part is figuring out what that happiness will look like along the way.

At the end of the month, I'll be attending my five year college reunion. Yes, I'm still that young, but it truly amazes me how much time has passed.

Five years ago, I was a hot mess. No driver's license, no place to live and no job. I was still grappling with my anxiety disorder, trying to figure out why my brain made me cry.

So much has changed. I've changed. I went to therapy (best/hardest decision), struck out on my own, built a partnership with my now husband, was unemployed for two years, struggled with working two jobs to keep a roof over our heads and got married.

I can really relate to wanting to be happy, having that be your goal in life. For so long, my goal was to survive the next day and the next and the next. And these days, I really am happy. Sure, who wouldn't want more money/free time? But I have love in my life and I wake up knowing that I can make my life whatever I want, as corny as that sounds. I didn't have that option for so long and to have it now, for the rest of my life, is a beautiful gift.

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Parents, Family, Children

Wow

I really feel for Adele in this instance. The utter lack of compassion and overt entitlement is disgusting from one of the few people who is supposed to love her unconditionally. I've seen parents who believe that just because they gave you life, that they own you. I'm reminded of the quote from My Big Fat Greek Wedding (yes, I love that movie) "I gave you life so that you could live it." Normal, sane parents do that. They bring children into the world because they have so much love to give and they want to share it with as many people as possible.

One of my dear friends sent me this link when it was first published and I kept pausing while reading it, to leave my work cubicle and cry in the bathroom. My father is nearly identical to Sugar's. I've written before about the abuse and all of the bitter ugliness that came after. It still comes, every now and then. A horrible, completely inappropriate email or a comment that makes its way through the family grapevine. But his pain barely touches me anymore.

It hurts to think that because of his anger, he will never know how wonderful my life is. He will never know any children of mine. I started watching the tv show, Castle, and watching the father daughter interactions on the show breaks my heart sometimes. I wish sometimes for that closeness, absolutely knowing that you can depend on someone.The pain of not having a father doesn't hurt nearly as much as it used to. Like anxiety, it comes and goes. I acknowledge the pain and then let it go.

Friends of mine having started having children and I see how they interact. Love and kindness spill out and over them. I look forward to that, with my own eventual children.

Adele seems to have plenty of good things in her life, but I wish her even more in light of sharing callous fathers.

And the dearest part of the letter?

It is on that feeling that I have survived. And it will be your salvation too, my dear. When you reach the place that you recognize entirely that you will thrive not in spite of your losses and sorrows, but because of them. That you would not have chosen the things that happened in your life, but you are grateful for them. That you have the two empty bowls eternally in your hands, but you also have the capacity to fill them.

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Hope

From one of my favorite bloggers

I think it's something to remember. Now and always.

Words

I never thought of using one word to achieve or strive for in any given year. I know that every year since I was diagnosed with my anxiety disorder, my overarching goal is to be kind to myself and to others. To flip off the anxiety and tell it to take a hike.

But sadly, after today, I realized, not everyone is able to do that.

So be kind. Be good to your loved ones. Hug them often.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Some stuff I've seen...(aka, I'm in love with the blog A Practical Wedding)

I've been busy with work this week but I wanted to mention a few things I read this week:

OMG YES WHY DON'T I HAVE ONE NOW Ahem.

True story

You have no idea what the people around you are secretly dealing with. Personally, I think many of the bitch-and-moan issues at my workplace are a matter largely of people needing to put on their big girl pants. Some things are just so stupidly unimportant there’s no use getting yourself in a twist over them. (See below.)

But, that said, who am I to judge?

None of this petty shit matters. Two days after my own personal meltdown, I can look at the silly hassles that normally make me a grumpypants (like, a-hem, complaining coworkers) and say “Seriously? This is what I’ve been getting so upset over? This is a negative on the scale of importance.”

This. So Much

And I promise to stand up for you if my family, or your family, ever suggests that marriage might be the next logical step in your life (because it's not, unless you want it to be).

And in the next few years, if the world tries to make you feel less proud of your accomplishments, because you’re still “missing” part of the equation? I. Will. Shut. That. Shit. Down.

The next two links are very similar, even though they are dealing with very different things:

Pregnancy

But as for changing the cultural narrative, I've got nothing... "You don’t get a say," when people try to intrude into our choices. And as much as I enjoy the image of yelling that at the next person who criticizes my... anything... that's not quite what I want. I don't want to shut people down; I want to change the conversation. I don't want to tell people to shut up. I want to stop being treated as nothing but a vessel, like my person has ceased to exist, ceded entirely to the yet-to-be-born. I want to remind people that I'm still right here
Name Changing

When anyone gives me an opinion on what I should do with my name, or how I should configure it, I don’t even try to defend my decisions anymore. I just state clearly and assertively “Nope. You don’t get a say.”

I mention a lot of the same things here but both posts highlight what I wanted to get across; let's change the conversation. Let's actually make traction as opposed to spinning our wheels with useless arguments.

And finally,

What's on your list?

Mine? Lots of tea, lots of walk, reading, and fun home improvement projects that I can do indoors.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Mental Awareness

Mental Awareness (TW)

One part of this really struck me:

And yet, for all the time I’ve spent trying to own it, I still catch myself trying to disown it, too. I only ever do this with one person–myself. But man, do I try. When I feel better, I like to pretend that depressed person never existed. Ding dong, the witch is dead. I think I’ve eulogized her at least a dozen times. When I start to feel worse, I immediately go for the quick fix. Do I need more sleep? Do I need more exercise? Should I drink less coffee? More coffee? Do I need to start yoga again? Should I eat more kale? Should I eat more cake? All perfectly valid questions, but a defensive smoke screen I put up nevertheless in order to not ask the question I really need to be asking myself: am I depressed (again)?

I feel the same way when my anxiety flares; I blame myself cause hey, didn't I beat this already? I'm in therapy (goddess bless my therapist) so that means I'm cured, right? It is still so internalized within me that I struggle when the attacks happen. I struggle with blaming myself, which only perpetuates the cycle. I struggle with being myself and "getting over it" as quickly as I can, so I can go back to being "normal." It's a vicious fucking cycle and illness.

I take small amounts of solace that the attacks are few and far between now, after four years of therapy. That my illness is manageable without medication. But I know I'm among the lucky and privileged and would not wish this illness on my worst enemy. I wish pain free days for all those who are struggling.

AtlasWonders

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