Sunday Snippets: Algae

The drain the swamp jackass made a swamp. If this were in a novel, no one would believe it.

5.5M ground nesting bees make home in Ithaca cemetery

8 Ways to Display Art in Your Kitchen

How Great Are These Wedding Photos?!

Are all husbands "Strangers"?

Cat ladies aren’t that ‘crazy’ after all – the social science behind the stereotype

Women Have Sacrificed Too Much for the Careers of Powerful Men: Analysis

AP exclusive: Under Notre Dame cathedral, a ‘dig of the century’ unearths 1,700 years of history

Why Wildfire Experts Are So Worried About This Year’s Fire Season

How a kindergarten teacher became the accidental guardian of 200 king penguins

It's Time For a Shademaking Movement

Mangrove forests are healing after decades of human destruction

Plans for Maryland vineyard, resort raise neighbors’ concerns

America’s Marriage Historian Says We’re in a Tug-of-War With the Past

Debugging on a major scale: Google seeks to unleash millions of sterile male mosquitoes

18th-Century Shipwreck Discovered in Deep Water Near Norway

Sunday Snippets: Nikki Giovanni

We lost a beautiful amazing soul this week. I have been reading her work for many years and even included her poem, Resignation, when I got married. It sucks so much that she's gone.

Women Are Getting Sterilized After Donald Trump's Victory: 'Only Option'

‘Enshittification’ Is Officially the Biggest Word of the Year

I'm 45 And I Look My Age

On Having Expectations – Even When Doing Things for Free

What One Mass Rape Case Shows about the Depth of Rape Culture

      Dominique Pelicot now bemoans the way the trial has destroyed his life and seeks forgiveness from his family. When asked by his defense lawyers about the possibility of winning back his wife, he said: “It is important to have hope,” and again emphasized his own trauma.

America’s Sickness

The year of hetero discontent

Supreme Court term-limits amendment proposed by Sens. Manchin, Welch

Some good climate news, for once: Md. leads in carbon emissions reductions

Bumblebee population increases 116 times over in 'remarkable' Scotland rewilding project

Archaeologists Work with Indigenous Peoples, Department of Natural Resources to Uncover History at Chapel Point State Park

Renowned poet and Black arts movement icon Nikki Giovanni dies at 81

Sunday Snippets: Supreme Court

I clearly got into the wrong line of work when these jackholes can get away with what they get away with.

Biden will designate a national monument honoring Emmett Till and his mother

Turning unused office space into housing could solve 2 problems, but it's tricky

When illness or death leave craft projects unfinished, these strangers step in to help

Hope

A secret bomb and ruined film: Why the US government only told Kodak it was going to test nuclear bombs

A woman is running for mayor of Uvalde in honor of daughter killed in school shooting

Henrietta Lacks' descendants reach a settlement over the use of her 'stolen' cells

Man who visited every country without flying has finally returned home

Where did 20,000 Jews hide from the Holocaust? In Shanghai

They wanted a Bollywood ending, not an arranged marriage. Their escape came at a cost

The toughest plastic bag ban is failing: A tale of smugglers, dumps and dying goats

In California, wildfires are prevented by crews of unlikely firefighters: goats

Sunday Snippets: Trans Rights

Everyone needs to pay attention to the cruel and unjust laws that are being passed that rob trans folks of their rights. Alabama just passed an atrocious one.

We need to fight back.

Violence Against Asian American Women Is Rooted in More Than Just ‘Hate’

When we talk about violence against us, I also want to note that not all of us are Asian American. There are a number of undocumented Asians who’ve also experienced violence, and many have reached out to tell us that when we use the term Asian American, we can exclude them. So it’s important to hear that, and also note that we shouldn’t conflate Pacific Islander with Asian or Asian American, because our Pacific Islander communities are experiencing other forms of egregious violence as well.

City of McFarland seeks to convert library into police station

Maryland lawmakers pass bill to expand access to abortion

Will Smith, Chris Rock And What Accountability Looks Like

Venus

Where Are The Zombies?

Four Poets Honor Chicago’s Hazel M. Johnson, the Mother of Environmental Justice

They Missed Student Loan Payments. Years Later, They’re Stuck in Credit Hell.

Grieving His Mother's Death, Ocean Vuong Learned to Write for Himself

Heather Havrilesky On The Response To Her Marriage Memoir & Raising Daughters Who Know Cringe When They See It

I mean, it turns people off to see a woman “of a certain age” acting like she’s not actively decomposing in front of your eyes.

Scientists find fossil of dinosaur ‘killed on day of asteroid strike’

Book Review: The New I Do

"If nothing else, the dramatic changes in the marital landscape over the decades has proven that marriage can be an incredibly adaptable and inclusive institution-if it's called on to be so."

This is the bold statement which begins to sum up one of Seal Press's newest releases, "The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels". It's only a hair over 200 pages, yet it is packed with information. I underlined a phrase nearly every page and my copy is littered with post notes.

Authors Susan Pease Gadoua and Vicki Larson offer ways to reshape and redo marriage since nearly half of all contemporary marriages still end in divorce.They believe that "rather than continue to encourage people to cram themselves into an old model that isn't working for many....we want to acknowledge what's already happening and encourage you to think about new ways to marry."

New ways indeed. They offer several options: the Starter Marriage, Companionship Marriage, Parenting Marriage, Living Alone Together Marriage, Covenant Marriage, Safety Marriage and the Open Marriage. Gadoua and Larson lay out the pros and cons of each option, along with any relevant history or origins. They also make it clear that while some partnerships may end, to view the marriage as failed would be a mistake. The authors believe "marriage should be considered 'successful' by what it has accomplished, not by how long it lasts".

These choices show that there are many ways to do marriage and while your neighbor's or your best friend's marriage may not look like yours, if it works for them, who's to judge? One aspect that is highlighted throughout the book is this idea of a "real" marriage. Many people have a stereotypical idea of what a "real" marriage looks like: "Too often we are presented with the false choice between a life-long loving marriage and a lonely, un married life. But those are far from the only options." And the authors include several real life interviews from people, already adapting these marriages to their own lives.

A chapter on pre-nuptial agreements rounds out the book and it's a good place to end. One of the biggest themes of the book is about communication. Very few marriages survive broken communication and unresolved mis-understandings. The book states that "there's a huge disconnect in how people conceptualize marriage and how they act once they're in it." Pre-nuptial agreements aside, to begin to implement any of these marriage options requires a lot of communication. Even if you choose none of these marriages, opening the discussion about these options and what they offer could be beneficial to a partnership.

Marriage and the many ways it is included in peoples' lives are always being analyzed and rehashed, least of all with gay marriage becoming legal in many places, both domestic and abroad. This book adds to the conversation that marriage is a changeable, permeable aspect of our society. The advice and options offer a new and important take on marriage for the 21st century and how to make it last or not with the changing times.

(Photo Credit: Seal Press)

Monday Snippets: Fall yet?

The temps have been dropping round these parts and I'm hoping for an actual season, as opposed to the day or so we got of spring this year.

About that new program...

Twenty two fucking percent of borrowers are unable to repay. That number attached to this new loan program would be shocking if it wasn't almost exactly the same as the overall default rate for student loan borrowers.

And yet we're to blame for the awful economy, bootstraps, etc.

Beautiful

My favorite is number 4. This whole list makes me want to dive into a international dictionary for an afternoon. And I say this as an English major frequently lost for words.

I would say all. Can we have all?

Family leave, student repayment, health care...all things the US could be so much better at.

A new interview with Edwidge Danticat (aka one of my favorite writers)

I had that experience with Krik? Krak! I made some of the stories into radio plays in Creole and they become totally different. More alive in some way. More immediate. In the epigraph to Drown, Junot Diaz uses a quote from a Cuban poet, Gustavo Pérez Firmat—“The fact that I am writing to you in English already falsifies what I wanted to tell you.” This is the dilemma of the immigrant writer. If I’d lived in Haiti my whole life, I’d be writing these things in Creole. But these stories I am writing now are coming through me as a person who, though I travel to Haiti often, has lived in the U.S. for more than three decades now.

Often when you’re an immigrant writing in English, people think it’s primarily a commercial choice. But for many of us, it’s a choice that rises out of the circumstances of our lives. These are the tools I have at my disposal, based on my experiences. It’s a constant debate, not just in my community but in other communities as well. Where do you belong?

Another view of "stay at home" battles

A thoughtful and much appreciated view of the so-called work/life balance battles.

I hope that regardless of how our lives and our family change over the years ahead, this is what I remember: how to be grateful.

Depressing but not suprising

The bad news is that gender inequities in lifetime wages and time allocation have roots in how we reward children for work they do at home. Childhood scripts continue to lay the groundwork for making domestic work less valued, for prioritizing men’s careers over women’s, for a persistent workforce sex segregation, and for an enduring wage gap. All because of who dries the dishes and takes out the trash.

Great article

A twitter friend linked to this and it's a great read on anti-racism work.

Because while we fight tooth and nail to make powerful change to systems of oppression, we need to ensure that if people who benefit from these systems are not actively acting in solidarity, at least they aren’t in the way.

And this is primarily the work of other people of privilege.

It’s time for us to call our people in.

Ugh, my state is on there.

Well over half of the states in the country are directly funding “crisis pregnancy centers” (CPCs), right-wing groups that pose as nonpartisan health clinics while advocating for an anti-abortion agenda. According to NARAL Pro-Choice America, 34 states currently have policies that funnel money toward CPCs:

Just eeew

Pardon me, I just threw up on my keyboard.

This is no small matter we’re dealing with here. Is a degree worth the loss of your daughter’s purity, dignity, and soul?

Did we time travel when I wasn't looking?

So it wasn't enough for the feminist housewife article. Now anyone (woman because we all care about the rings!!!!111) who gets married past 23 is suspect and secretly an old maid.

This is why we can't have nice things.

The author states:

"I started out thinking this way, too. When I was entering college, my philosophy was “men die, but your college degree is forever.” I imagined myself an independent, spirited sort of woman. I wrote off the girls I knew from high school in Texas who didn’t finish college or who selected their universities based on their boyfriends’ plans. Getting a “ring by spring” was nice, I supposed, but it wasn’t a grand achievement. Getting a 4.0—now we were talking."

Cause, ya know, can't have an education/career/life because all that matters is trapping...err catching a man and getting that huge rock that is promised by Tiffany's.

Ahem.

I get it, marriage is a good thing to have....IF YOU WANT IT. Not everyone wants it or can legally attain it. And even the title, I got married at 23. What are the rest of you waiting for? is completely smug and condescending. I say this as someone who did marry at 23. It was the right choice for me, but not for everyone. Nor should it be. We are not all going to reach the same milestones at the same time as everyone else.

Or there's this.

"That said, while I wouldn’t have said it exactly the way she chose, I think Susan Patton is basically right: people should be looking to get married as early as possible."

Why? Do we turn into unicorns if we don't get mated up by a deadline? Honestly, what the fuck?

The original article by Susan Patton

It would be one thing if this advice was directed at the entire population, but it's only toward females, in search of a husband. And that's the problem.

Around the web....

I realized I had all these awesome things saved in my bookmarks folder and wanted to share them with all of you!

Gorgeous work

Savoring the little things

I would so have this in my house It would be a great conversation starter.

I plan on doing this next spring I realized I've never actually lived alone (family to college to husband) and when I was younger, it was too expensive. I'm taking a trip to PA to visit some state parks next March all by myself and I am giddy with excitement.

This

Our marriage is about seeing the spark of passion in each other and making sure to help grow that spark into a roaring fire. It’s me standing on the sidelines giving an epic slow-clap as he approaches the finish line called graduation. It’s him rubbing my shoulders and letting me talk his ear off about an amazing wedding, even if it is at midnight and he has to work the next day.

Our marriage is an environment that nurtures creativity and encourages leaps of faith. While to some, we may not have “made it,” I know that in his eyes I am the most successful, and in my eyes he is the most driven. How could I not rely on my marriage for motivation and inspiration?

How flipping beautiful is this?

Shadow play

More on Motherhood

Some stuff I've seen...(aka, I'm in love with the blog A Practical Wedding)

I've been busy with work this week but I wanted to mention a few things I read this week:

OMG YES WHY DON'T I HAVE ONE NOW Ahem.

True story


You have no idea what the people around you are secretly dealing with. Personally, I think many of the bitch-and-moan issues at my workplace are a matter largely of people needing to put on their big girl pants. Some things are just so stupidly unimportant there’s no use getting yourself in a twist over them. (See below.)

But, that said, who am I to judge?

None of this petty shit matters. Two days after my own personal meltdown, I can look at the silly hassles that normally make me a grumpypants (like, a-hem, complaining coworkers) and say “Seriously? This is what I’ve been getting so upset over? This is a negative on the scale of importance.”

This. So Much

And I promise to stand up for you if my family, or your family, ever suggests that marriage might be the next logical step in your life (because it's not, unless you want it to be).

And in the next few years, if the world tries to make you feel less proud of your accomplishments, because you’re still “missing” part of the equation? I. Will. Shut. That. Shit. Down.

The next two links are very similar, even though they are dealing with very different things:

Pregnancy

But as for changing the cultural narrative, I've got nothing... "You don’t get a say," when people try to intrude into our choices. And as much as I enjoy the image of yelling that at the next person who criticizes my... anything... that's not quite what I want. I don't want to shut people down; I want to change the conversation. I don't want to tell people to shut up. I want to stop being treated as nothing but a vessel, like my person has ceased to exist, ceded entirely to the yet-to-be-born. I want to remind people that I'm still right here
Name Changing

When anyone gives me an opinion on what I should do with my name, or how I should configure it, I don’t even try to defend my decisions anymore. I just state clearly and assertively “Nope. You don’t get a say.”

I mention a lot of the same things here but both posts highlight what I wanted to get across; let's change the conversation. Let's actually make traction as opposed to spinning our wheels with useless arguments.

And finally,

What's on your list?

Mine? Lots of tea, lots of walk, reading, and fun home improvement projects that I can do indoors.

Changes

I realized that big changes really aren't given proper time in our culture. We rush from place to place, from event to event, etc, without stopping to breathe. I recently finished What No One Tells the Bride and while it speaks from a more narrow viewpoint of the author (a cis woman in a hetero relationship) she makes some very excellent points, about recognizing some changes take time to acclimate into our lives.

I felt that way. I still feel that way sometimes. I've been married two years and some days, it still feels odd to be a 'wife'. I don't know if I ever will ever find a satisfactory definition of that word. But I try to make it my own each day.

A lot of my hesitation and confliction comes from my identity being tossed around like a ship on high seas ever since I was a child. From abuse survivor, to being diagnosed with a mental disorder, to struggling with an auto-immune disease, to therapy and then to wife, it was a lot to handle. I feel like I've really gotten my identity back in the last two or three years. But then as soon as my husband and I were married, the baby questions started. I've always wanted children, but more in the abstract. Now there is the very real possibility of becoming a mother in the next two years and it has me running for the hills. I worry about being a child of abuse, worrying whether history will repeat itself. (Not that there is a likely chance at all.) I worry about having my identity upended yet again, just as my life has become calm again. Especially when my FIL makes comments like he did yesterday:

Me- "I don't think I could be a SAHM. I love my job and after a week of little adult interaction, I think I'd go stir-crazy."

FIL-"Maybe you should rethink motherhood then. Children should really be with a parent." O_o

But reading this article was a breath of fresh scented air. I can have my identity and just add another aspect to it, if I want. I like knowing that workable options are out there and that people have made them work.

Naming

Cause anytime you bring up lady rights on the interwebz....  You know you're in for a world of trouble, from trolls.

I've debated writing this post for awhile, especially I'm approaching my two year wedding anniversary (still have no idea how that happened already) and this article was my impetus.

When I was a kid, little feminist I was, I doodled what my first name would like with my current boyfriend's last name, not for any real desire of marriage, but more of to get myself used to having a different name. Then I read Full Frontal Feminism. Yes, I know. (It was before the much more in depth tomes I've since consumed). For all the issues aside, it actually forced me to look at what I was doing. And realized I had lost my damn mind. Even though my father is/was abusive, it was my freaking name. I loved it. I loved my initials. I love the possibility that I might be related to Albert Schweitzer (which would be uber cool) and so on.

I got very contrasting opinions on my decision not to change my name. My maternal grandmother smacked a wooden spoon on the counter in frustration and spat that it was disrespectful. My brother thought it was cool because my husband, in his mind, has a boring last name and Schweitzer was much cooler.

Once I got married, however, I've had very conflicting attitudes myself. I've been addressed as Mrs. Hubby's Last Name and it felt like nails on a chalkboard. But then when all of my coworkers and most of my friends have gotten married and changed their names, I've started to wonder if I was crazy not to do so. I get the appeal. It's easier to make address labels (seriously, Shutterfly, you need more accommodating designs), it has a cozy ring (no pun intended) to it and it would be nice to have a unit name. These are things I haven't even admitted to friends of mine. I'm the ultimate feminist in my group and sometimes, the label can be stifling because you are pigeonholed like any other label. I love being a feminist, but when I started grappling with this, I wondered where other feminists were, where other women  were who struggled with this choice. I know one friend who didn't change her name. One.

I see the benefits and downsides of both sides, but what really frustrates me is that when this topic is brought up, it quickly dissolves into either militant fist pumping or people trying to stomp all over women's decisions. I would like a meeting in the middle. A meeting where people can honestly admit their struggles and not be judged. Judging women who changed their name as betrayers to the cause isn't productive and it's insulting to their agency and criticizing women who didn't makes them feel alienated and frustrated that their choices weren't taken seriously.

Lightheartedness

I walked out this morning and breathed deeply. It wasn't hazy or humid or balls to the wall hot out for the first time in a while, certainly since July has rolled around. I drove through the farm, the backroads of Beltsville and NASA, with the sun filtering through the trees. I even turned off the radio. It felt nice.

I've been mulling around this post for awhile, talking about the lightness of the heart or soul. For much of my life, I didn't experience such a thing. Most people who know/knew me saw that I was a vivacious and upbeat person, but it was usually only extended to my exterior life, because once I entered my house, it was hell on earth. That's a phrase used quite a lot, but for abuse survivors, they know I don't exaggerate. My life was stolen and fed back to me in small, censored pieces. I wasn't allowed to lounge around all day Sunday, devouring a stack of library books. I wasn't allowed to go out with friends because if I asked permission (even after I turned 18, I still had to ask permission) when my father was in a manic mood, I was verbally abused for even thinking of having friends.

It was hard to readjust. I was away at college, but he could still email/call/visit and try to control me. Stealing my life back became a necessity that I don't think I even understood at the time or knew how to verbalize. I feel, for the past six months or so, that after hacking through the abuse, the therapy needed to cope with said abuse, dealing/healing with my GAD, learning to communicate in a healthy way with friends and family, I want to sing and cry with joy.

Having a marriage in which my husband that writes me notes saying "I'm so glad we have made a commitment to a non-violent relationship because that is so important in a marriage" makes me want to fall to my knees and thank whoever I need to that I don't have my parent's marriage. And something as simple as deciding to pick up a pizza for my husband and BIL after work and deciding to get something from the liquor store is a simple joy to me. Owning my life, owning myself is such a simple but complex joy that I will never take for granted ever again. Nor is it something that anyone can take away from me ever again.