Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Anxiety and Marriage

All of this. Times infinity

I've written before about my extremely dysfunctional and abusive childhood. It hurts not seeing your parents happy. When my partner and I were first hitched, the first year of marriage was like fumbling around in a dark room without a flashlight and one leg broken.

I still struggle with it, again, not for any lack of wonderfulness from the dear hubby, but because my anxiety over making it work. I know how very very wrong a relationship can go. I know that being married, happily married, for even a few years takes a lot of work and I'm not one to shy away from work. But I worry that it won't be enough sometimes. I worry that we, as a society, swing between two large extremes on most things, but especially relationships. We have the white frilly image of a wedding and oh, look it's a special day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111 and then the ugly messy divorce, not solved or helped by the shelves of self help books in the library.

However, while my head knows this, my heart has still not received this telegram. It’s a long process, apparently. I realized a week or two ago that my thinking is centered around a false dichotomy

I'd love to see more images or stories of good marriages that work, that aren't perfect, that are messy, that have fights, but that come out on the other side stronger.

And the newspapers, websites and magazines do not help. A happy marriage is not news; a messy breakup is. There are no magazine articles called “Stop Stressing Out! Your Relationship is Great!” Instead it’s all about how to attract, keep, or win back your partner’s attention and attraction. It’s about the top ten signs that he’s cheating, or that she’s bored in bed. That is where the APW community has filled a huge void for me.

Yes, Yes, and more omg yes.


  1. Thanks for sharing that! I don't know if I was actively thinking it before, possibly simply because my parents are still married so maybe I take that it works for granted?, but it's still nice and refreshing to see it put down. It hit a chord I didn't even know was there!

  2. You are very welcome! I just love that these conversations are happening. It's really refreshing to see.